I have reached a stage in my life where I feel I am sliding into the sunset. I have left the fresh new dawn far behind; I have frolicked in the early mornings and emerged from the exhaustion of the midday and begun to purr in the afternoons – with the occasional snore !
I have done so much and yet so little. I have not been everywhere and am a little envious of those who have – yet grateful for what I have seen and done. I feel I have wasted a lot of my time – but was it really a waste? Were those “wasted times” just different threads in life’s rich tapestry.
The evolution has been rough, painful, confusing, daunting, and I think I have shed more than one chrysalis to be who I am now. Is this the last evolution – I doubt it. Life has not been all doom and pain – there have been wonderful times – of love, friendship, joy and happiness and tears.
What started this, was that as I walked out my door and glanced at our well stocked bookshelves – I realised that there was still so much to read, to learn, to enjoy, to understand and to share.
This year, I have taken a sabbatical from my ‘normal’ life. I am learning to BE in the moment. I am playing: Lunching with friends, Tai Chi, Italian, Rummykin; Scrabble, Canasta, reading voraciously, and wanting to start some art, cooking and making jams, crocheting granny rugs.
I am learning to be less doing and more being – not easy for someone who lives in her head and rarely in the absolute present moment. Ha! you may say – you are still busily doing lots – but it is different now. There are no real commitments, no “must do”s.
I will need to return to my world of commitment, of must do, and my life will change again – but I hope it will be with a more gentle emphasis.
I have learned some amazing life lessons during my sabbatical and delving deeply into my spiritual philosophies, trying to discover my soul. Looking at all those “who am I”, “why am I here”, “can just one person make a difference”, “how can I leave the world a better place” questions. I am into miracles and power of the mind, wisdom of the elders and women’s ways of knowing. I am into vibrational healing and Reikii, Pranic Healing and the power of the Universe. I am into the worlds within, the world without and the worlds beyond.
Then there are millions of tragedies and injustices in most parts of the world – but I have decided that I am just going to focus on issues here at home, in Australia. Looking at all the unfairness and injustice in my small part of the world and wondering how I can address these issues to make changes for the better will be more than enough.
I will probably keep switching between the esoteric and the material worlds, and hope I don’t get lost in one or the other… I am not really sure where I am going, but I plan to enjoy each twist and turn of the journey.